'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
