I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
