I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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