I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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