Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
