my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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