Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
