Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
