I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
