Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Soap is not a condiment
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
