you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
