I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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