you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
