After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
