in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
