I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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