We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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