The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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