i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
