So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
