ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
