Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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