So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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