so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
