i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
