I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love having hate sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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