My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
