with your own penis?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
