I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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