there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
