defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He passed out mid-signature
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
