i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
