Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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