My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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