TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
