just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
