I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
