dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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