i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
