she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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