She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My ATM looks so different sober.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Less talking, more tequila
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
