I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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