We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
