He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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