sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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