Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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