I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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