used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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