too bad you live with your parents still
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
