Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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