I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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