I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
