well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
