I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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